I’m gay, and I have had my share of sex. I’ve been with women years ago, and it was a lovely visit to Vagina-land, but I can’t seem myself ever going back for a return visit, and since I see kids as something to feed lots of sugar and send whizzing home to their parents, I would consider myself pretty solidly gay. 

A few years ago, when I was feeling especially cocky, I wanted to know what all the fuss was about. I’ve seen porn as I would imagine most other folks have out there, so I know what “porn-moans” sound like. I wanted to be sure that with my technique and equipment (yes, folks, my dick), that what I was hearing was genuine. It is important to me that my sexual partners are having a good time, and reach their destination. 

Looking around on line for a bit, I found this…

http://www.cloneawilly.com/index.php

Its a self-contained kit for making an exact copy of the family-staff. It doesn’t include the nutty neighbors, just the staff. A couple of words of advice:

Buy two of them at least: If you are bad at following instructions, not particularly coordinated, or maybe lacking in nerves of steel and are a bit twitchy, you will mess this up on the first try. Besides, if you get it right the first time, you can give the extra kit as a pretty pervy party gift.

Get the extra-molding powder: If you combine things wrong or place the family staff incorrectly, you many want to break the mould and start over.  Its good to have supplies on hand. 

Get the deluxe kit that includes the “stimulator”: One of the kits comes with a vibrator. A solid piece of latex can be an interesting paperweight, but if it hums when you flick the switch, you may have just found a whole new level of “interest.”

Do it with someone who turns you on: When taking the casting, you are looking for blue-steel, not Limp Biskit, and for as much are you are spending for this thing, you really want some bang for your buck. There are also ingredients to be combined, so unless you can maintain full rigidity looking at a bowl of what looks like cottage cheese, better to have a sous-chef there to help you out. 

Now, it is possible to use the kit by yourself, but it took me two tries to get it right, and I can sometimes do two things at once. If you know you have trouble listening when more than one person is speaking, recruit a trusted friend who will not laugh at you, or a sex partner who thinks you aren’t very adventurous, and you want to open new horizons. 

So I have a couple of these sitting in a drawer in ziplock baggies (who really wants dust on their toys?). And for those who are scoffing, I’ll say this, there are limits to the human body. Its always good to have a backup. As for sex, there should always be options available other than “tonight we’re going to do with with Jay Leno on the bedroom TV instead of Letterman.” I have a few options on hand to make things spicy and I would recommend having something on hand as backup to everyone. Those of you with kids, a portable Fire-Safe is awesome. Just sayin’. 🙂

This kit makes a pretty firm toy, so I would strongly recommend a water soluble lubricant. Also, if you intend to use this toy on more than one person. A half  cup of bleach in a gallon of water and dip in your toy, then wash off with soap and water. Rinse thoroughly and let air dry. Towels leave lint, and I don’t think you want lint on your toy, do you? OK.

Oh, back to the subject at hand, I tend to reside in the upper bunk, but occasionally, I do like to visit the bottom rack, so a toy on hand is also a chance to take solo visits to the wild side without the messy recriminations, smirking and other odd questions that come up when someone who is an avowed member of one team decides to do a little switch-hitting.

I’m sure this has shocked one or two of you and confirmed a lot of odd behavior for the rest. This side of me would be the reason I don’t generally “friend” people I currently work with, because when I’m off the clock, and I don’t like to have to worry about my career path, I can be pretty frank. Actually, I can be even more frank than the preceding text.