…clarity follows. Hunger and need distorts the senses. Sometimes in my mind, the desire for something tangible, and my willingness to look and only see the romantic, soft-focused image is not helped by desire. Being alone for me sometimes comes with sadness and a deep ache to be held. To be loved. Desired.
I am not truly alone. Not really, but still even when in an abundance of friends. Even on a day when all my baser and most wonderful needs have all been satisfied, there is still this aching desire to be held. To be needed. To be loved. To falll asleep with warm breath on my neck or to find a warm neck to breathe on. To smell the bits of day not present. To fall asleep and fall, and tense waiting to hit the floor and realize its a dream and lean forward and hold and smell the smell.
This is what I want.